But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
