I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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