i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Let's get the cat blown out
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
