I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
