proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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