I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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