lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
