He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
