even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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