Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
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If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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