that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
40s are totally the cure
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
