You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
