so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
