Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
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And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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