Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
