if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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