This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
