i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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