we have pet lesbian snakes
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
