dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
