But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
