Define "chronic" masturbator.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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