So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just found puke in my bra..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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