can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
