umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Randomize
