How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
