I hate all girls vehemently.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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