Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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