he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize