I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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