Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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