Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
