he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
