Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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