There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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