dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think my tv is drunk
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize