Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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