The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
