I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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