allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
