break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
