I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
