Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
