I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He has the fingertips of a God
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