this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
