remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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