Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
