I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
