Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Farmville is her only friend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
