yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
