Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
