I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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