I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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