i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Bring me that man meat
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
