I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
