I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
