I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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