I don't think brook has ever known best
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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