Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
