i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
