I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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