Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
