i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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