I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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