if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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