I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
