i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
