Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
