I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
