You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
