i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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