Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
