I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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