I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
