well I can't set my house on fire every night
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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