chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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