thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
