I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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