I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
