piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
